It came as a big surprise when I realised that I was an absolute romantic. Despite all the weirdness, strangeness, and difference in and around me, I've always thought of myself as a plain person. This has probably been because of persistent low-self esteem on my part. When you think something monstrous and horrible is inside of you, how can you feel good about yourself?

But those days are gone. If there's anything monstrous and horrible inside myself, well it's something that in every other human being. Feels good to join the human race!

And I'm a romantic. I believe that there is one or more persons out there who are "just right for me". Some people call these folks "soul mates", as a measure of how well the relationship is when you find them. I believe in soul mates, but I don't just think that there's only one -- I think there's a whole tribe of them. You don't just get one chance at happiness with others, you get as many as you need.

Still, I have a legacy from the past, it's called co-dependency. This is where (out of habit, out of fear, out of a lot of reasons) you tend to project self worth into others, and deny it for yourself. And it warps my perspective on love.

See, I tend to fall into negative thinking on my own self worth. I begin to think that a "true love" would be someone who'd "complete me" as a whole person. You here this attitude in the media all the time: "I can't live without you"; "Don't go, you make me so happy"; stuff like this turns up in songs on the radio all the time. And so many films and TV shows seem to resolve around defective or obsessive relationships. No wonder it's an easy pattern to fall into!

But I need to think for myself, even in matters of the heart. I think that a good relationship is one where each person already feels whole and happy, where the love for the other person is demonstrated by honest appreciation and nurturing (not rescuing) support. When I look back at the relationships I've had in the past, none of them have been like that. There's always been other motives involved that helped destroy those relationships.

I just don't want that sort of relationship any more. I want good healthy relationships. And before I can expect to have that sort of relationship with other people, I've got be able to have one with myself first. This is something that I hadn't done in the past, but I think it's something I've started to do now. It's not an easy thing, to drop the bad habits of a lifetime.

Sometimes I just seem to slip back into that destructive thinking. It's an easy thing to do, not easy to avoid if I forget to be honest with myself. And honesty, well that's being open about what I feel, about myself and others; it's about not bottling up my emotions and talking to people about what I feel and think. That's what I do in this home pages, as well as in real life.

Because when I talk about things, when I can hear myself say my doubts, fears or hopes (or read them as I write), I can put them in perspective. I can feel if they're real or imagined, and that makes a world of difference.

In the past it was like the relationships I had were fakes. It wasn't that I didn't care or love the other people, or that they didn't care or love me. But the "me" they loved or cared for was a fake. It was a persona I put on for other people, and I avoid doing that nowadays as much as I can.

It's funny, because when I broke up last time, some friends suggested that all I needed was for the "right person" to come along, and I'd be OK. Well guess what, I have to be that right person! I have to get on with life first and really start loving myself, and demonstrate that love in the way I mentioned before: by by honest appreciation and nurturing support for myself.

And until that time comes, when I can always look in the mirror and see how beautiful I am, then there's no way that I'd be ready for any other person in my life. Because until I really know what I like and love about myself, how will I be able to recognise it in others?

So until that day I'll remain like Artemis: a lone and sometimes (but not always! ) lonely huntress. But don't feel sorry for me. This is an adventure. Maybe not one where I drive off and interesting things happen to me, but an adventure all the same. Because I'm genuinely learning to love myself, and that's the most exciting thing of all!