Robyn and I slept together last night, cuddled up in air-conditioned comfort. It was just so nice and reassuring. We woke at 6am and talked a lot about high schools, coping and other things. The alarm went off at 8am and we went downstairs and checked out. The driver turned up at 8:30am exactly and off we went to the hospital.

It only took 10 minutes to get there, and we waited at reception until I was checked in and issued with a hospital card. Pim arrived and I was taken to be X-Rayed. When I went back to reception Robyn was gone. She was being checked out by the surgeon. Robyn had been his first patient where he'd used the ascending colon for surgery, and he was most interested in the results after one year.

I went in and he examined me, saying that I had the minimum of penile material, but that the scrotal skin I had would make it OK, and that I should be able to get a functional vagina. I gave him my VISA card and off I went to get an E.K.G., after which I was weighed and taken with Robyn to my room, which was on the 2nd floor. They installed a TV and video player, and I got a complimentary gift pack of flowers, crackers and juice.

I then put on a patients gown, which consisted of a regular top and a sort of sarong that was really a tube. You stepped into the tube, then pulled it up to the side, tied a knot, tucked it in, and hoped that it didn't fall down. There was a trick to this, but only one that I learnt after a few days.

The room overlooked a decorative pond that was stocked with carp. While it could be fully air-conditioned inside, it was still hot and humid outside. The view was lovely, but there were few times that I used it. Robyn however was a smoker and used it for that when she could.

I set up my altar with T-Shirt, figurine of Dawn, candle, tambourine and cymbals. I also added in a small tissue box showing Charlie Brown and Snoopy, as this reminded me of Jo and Pegasus back home. Finally I put my drawing gear in a draw next to the bed.

I had lunch and started watching TV. The nurses came in and gave me an ID tag and asked me to remove my nail polish later in the day. They came back at 8pm when I was watching a video. I took a red pill and then laid back while they shaved my pubic hair. I felt like a "bond girl" they use on the title credits. Then, they gave me an enema.

I was put on my side and they poked a bottle of soapy liquid up my rectum and squeezed. I was told to wait five minutes before going to the toilet but I only lasted one. My bowels were drained and I had no more solid food that day. Finally I removed my finger and nail polish, and took out my earrings and studs. They wanted nothing to contaminate the operating theatre tomorrow.

It was about 9:20pm before I settled down again. I watched some more of the video but fell asleep while doing so.

Thursday 26^st

I woke around 5am and went to the toilet. I went out on the balcony and looked at the view. This was the big day, finally, and it was hard to sleep in! Nonetheless I dozed off again and had a dream, one where I'm at a party with my family in Western Australia. Jo and Pegasus and Maxine are there, and little Sparky jumps out from under a bed...

...then the nurse came in and took my blood pressure and temperature. This was the start of a daily checking routine, done about 4-5 times a day. Always my blood pressure was OK, and temperature was "no fever". I fell asleep again and then at 7:20am a nurse came in. She took a blood sample and inserted an I/V drip in my left hand, with a saline solution feeding into it.

Later when I'd watched the end of the video from last night, and Robyn was on the balcony having a smoke, I was updating my diary, and was overcome with emotion. I was in tears, laughing, crying, and feeling INTENSE. Like Robyn told me, words cannot describe the emotions. They were just so strong, so immediate for me.But it wasn't fear -- I wasn't afraid of what was about to happen, just nervous that everything would be OK.

Once again it helped having Robyn with me. She'd been in this territory herself and understood. I'm here because I love myself,, because this is me. Robyn says that only 1 in 5 of us get this far. Wow.

I was starting to feel hungry but couldn't have any food or drink until after surgery. I wrote a few emails that Pim will send. I don't have direct access to the net here, but messages get relayed.

Finally they came for me at 9:30am: the nurses and the porter. I went to the toilet, and said a prayer to Cybele and Hecate at the altar. They put me on the trolley and I was whisked up to the operating theatre. Robyn came as well. She was gowned up and ready to take photos of the surgery for me. Then, perhaps the worst thing of all happened.

I was on the operating table waiting for different preparations when Pim came in saying that there was a problem with my VISA card!

What!? I used a mobile phone to do some international phone banking to try and sort this out. It took a while and I was on the verge of tears and hysteria. To come this far...

...but in the end it was OK.

What had happened was this: I'd obtained a VISA card instead of taking travellers cheques overseas, as I thought it would be safer and easier to use. I'd asked for a credit limit of $10,000 -- I had $16,000 in my bank account ready to pay it. But they'd given me a credit limit of $9,000. Now the cost of the surgery & hospital was just over $9,000 (all figures in $Australia), so when they tried to use the card it'd bounced!

The solution was to put through a smaller amount, and for me to pay it off later and put through the remainder. This worked, for now, and the operation was OK'd to proceed. They tested my blood pressure and I had an epidural drip inserted into my spinal column. I relaxed again and then...

...well I was just unconscious. I'd been given a general anaesthetic via the I/V drip and that was the last I remember until later. Robyn however was there and awake for the whole surgery, and the following is one of the photos she took:

Apparently the operation finished at 4:30pm that day. I was placed, still unconscious, in the Intensive Care Unit. The first think I heard when I awoke was Robyn's voice, coming from somewhere nearby (my eyes were shut) saying: "It's OK Laura, it's alright -- the surgery's all over now." There was a tone in her voice that was at once both happy, concerned and relieved. I was that too, but was too far out-of-things to really know one way or another how I felt.

Except for one thing. Contrary to expectations, I didn't feel any major pain down below -- the epidural was still in effect, but I felt pain in my eyes. They hurt every time I opened them or tried to move them much. This I hadn't expected!

They took me back to my room about 6pm, where I drifted in and out of sleep all night. Gradually the epidural wore off and I could feel the lower part of my body again. The feelings down there were weird -- sort of like electric twitches and shocks. Robyn told me that it was the nerves reconnecting again. Gasp.

Couldn't watch TV or videos too much. I couldn't move my legs much, and couldn't get out of bed. All I could do was listen to the MTV channel sometimes, just lie in silence, or talk to Robyn, and have her hold my hand.