Premonitions and passing

After going with some other Goths to watch "Queen of the damned" on Friday night, I went down to Sydney Saturday night to go out with Jayne (a friend whose rituals I've attended in the past). We were supposed to see a band in a pub somewhere in Darlinghurst. I went down with another friend of mine, Maz.

It was a long trip down in the car, I was tired and late when I got there. We got lost on the way because we were given the wrong street name, and I got lost on the way back as well (Sydney isn't my city). I was tired and more than a bit cranky. I crashed fairly shortly when we got back to Jayne's. The others (including Jayne's brother) stayed up and swapped tarot readings.

Come Sunday morning I was the first awake at 7am, and I couldn't get back to sleep (party because of someone else's snoring). Everyone else woke about 11am, and there was no rush to do anything. I was feeling drawn out, as lately I've only been having one proper meal a day, and that one in the morning. I was also feeling pretty low, being under a bit of stress with money problems. I also had a strange premonition that one of my pets would die in the coming week.

Anyway, I was playing around with a "Bird Tarot" deck and the responses I was getting just seemed to match my fears, and I just "lost it". Not an infrequent occurrence for me. I go so long by myself, worrying about things and becoming physically exhausted, and then I tend to collapse a bit. Just how much depends upon how hard I push myself.

This was mostly a crying session, and I just couldn't stop. Finally though, I did. Maz and Jayne organised a small circle for me to send a bit of energy my way. At first I couldn't think of anything to say, but when it came around to me again I just let myself go...

...and started talking in a language I wasn't familiar with! The only word I recognised was "shibele" which might have been a version of Cybele, I don't know. And then I had a vision of a ball of power with an every increasing spiral of energy around it. Then I opened my eyes and there was a jolt which everyone in the circle felt.

I felt a better after the (though I felt a LOT better when I had something to eat), and later after I'd returned back home I was a bit more relaxed as well.

Anyway, just a short while ago I found Donald (one of my original Muscovy ducks) dead in her pen. She was in a sleeping position, in the corner. I took her out, and buried her under the "Air" flagstone of my circle. I performed a small ritual with a candle to commemorate the occasion.

Sounds a bit silly having a funeral for a duck I suppose but I was close to that duck. When she was just a duckling I found her floating upside down in the water bowl, half drowned. I took her inside, said more than just a few prayers to Hecate, and passed on what I could of my energy. She recovered and grew to maturity, laying at least two batches of eggs that grew to ducklings.

Last week like Mongo (a young drake) jumped on Donald (she was named before she was sexed) in the bathtub. She was pushed under the waterline and just laid in the tub, stunned. This time maybe she was shock. She was waterlogged and cold, as it was still morning, so I grabbed her and placed her in the sun, saying a prayer that she'd live a little longer. It took the rest of the day for her to recover, but she did.

And now she's gone. I've cried a lot just now, and will cry again. So it goes.