Winter Solstice 2002

I almost didn't do a musing this time around. Back at the last Sahmain, both my computers were two days dead (one has been semi-resurrected since then), a friend was suicidal and my car was a few days away from major complications.

And it's been six weeks since then. In the mean time I've been both broke and suicidal (craft knives are the best aren't they?). I've let go of an "ICQ romance" and written to my dying father. I've missed what seemed important dates (local Goth clubs, rituals and Church gigs) for lack of money or transport. I've been effectively off the net until now, but I'm also off my anti-depressants too (maybe for good).

Things could have been better. Things could have been worse. I still have my house, my pets, most of my health and sometimes my sanity. Help came in unexpected ways, as did fun too. And I've made new friends and contacts at places like "The Octapod" and elsewhere.

And maybe there's been something stubborn in my character that resists change, and it takes a lot to force me to accept it, even if such change is for the better. Last Monday I got a "job card" from Centrelink and am considering rehabilitation. Yesterday I went to budget counselling, which showed that on average I lose $20 a fortnight. I could have told them that, but somehow I need to turn this around, to get back out of the hole.

Ah, life. Tough sometimes, but it'd be boring otherwise. And tonight is so cold. Into bed by 9pm with cats and dog huddled on top. The shortest day of the year was also the coldest.

And maybe this time around, who cares what the "meaning" of the Winter Solstice "really" is. Maybe this time around it's time to give thanks not for where I've been, but for where I am, and where I might go.

How's that for some musings. Shortest yet.